By Ron Dupuis
January 18, 2008 6:00 AM
This column is dedicated to Crawford Notch and his friend Gary, whose literary excellence I've long admired and hope to achieve someday ...; Ron Dupuis
Everyone knows someone like Peter Borough. His age is mid 50s or early 60s. His beard is one that seems like he is trying to grow it in to its full potential, or instead, one that appears to be the result of just not shaving for the last few days. It's difficult to tell. Peter Borough (he likes being addressed by his full name) almost always wears tweed.
In the summer, the tweed jacket is accompanied by docker trousers with all the extra side pockets, in winter, corduroys. When the occasion calls for it, Peter Borough will accompany his ensemble with a striped bow tie and a checkered shirt. At any given point in time there are three places Peter Borough will be found. One of the area's high-end coffee shops drinking a latté and discussing evils of the Bush policies, or lack thereof, concerning global warming, one of the many salt marshes that dot the Seacoast, observing the migrating habits of the three-legged marsh sloth, or finally, near some body of water contemplating the end of life as we know it in 10 years as predicted by Al Gore.
On this particular occasion I found him sitting on a sea wall in a somewhat loose "Lotus" position with his head bowed so low his chin was touching his chest. "Peter Borough, how are you today" I shouted from a distance so as not to startle him?
"Oh, OK I guess," "a little depressed, but I'll get past it" he responded weakly.
"What the heck do you have to be depressed about" I asked?
"Well" Peter started, "my hero, former President Al Gore is receiving a lot of flack for being named the Nobel Peace Prize winner."
"Hang on there a minute, Peter" I said. "Al Gore is not the former president; he's the former vice president. And he received the "Peace" prize for a "theory" concerning climate change. A theory," I stressed. "Nothing more than that."
Peter looked a little puzzled. "Let me ask you two questions. Did Gore receive the most votes in the 2000 election and, considering former President Gore's (accenting the word president at this point) climate change doctrine, will this sea wall still be here in 10 years?"
"Yes on both counts" I responded. "The rules and requirements of being elected president were set up by our founding fathers 200 years ago and former Vice (stressing the word vice) President Gore did not meet those requirements."
"As for this sea wall," I continued, "if the town maintains it properly, yes it will still be here in 10 years, despite what you and Al Gore believes. The polar ice cap is naturally re-adjusting, not melting away and most non-political, clearheaded scientists feel the worst-case scenario is a few center meter rise along the Eastern Seaboard of the United States, not the cataclysmic disaster you and your liberal theorist believe."
Peter Borough's jaw dropped. He stared at me in both amazement and hurt. He had the look of a wounded puppy dog in his eyes. Not because I had convinced him of any of my beliefs but instead that I had not accepted his doctrine as truth. In fact, as in the case with most narrowminded liberals, for someone to even have the audacity to question their tenets is tantamount to the most serious of mortal sin and deserving of an eternity in the fires of Hades.
"Come on Peter, it's cold. Let's get a coffee. There's a Dunkin' Donuts around the corner." I could hear Peter gasp for air as we walked away.
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