IMHO-NH Hampton Union Fri Jan 4th

By Ron Dupuis

This newspaper goes to press long before the Iowa caucus results are in. In fact, this newspaper goes to press long before the “cauci” even begins. Despite that, me, being the ever petulant prognosticator of prodigious political parlance, will pen my congratulations to the winners here and now (mid-day Wednesday, January 2nd.) Should I be wrong, my statements will at the very least give me the title of next Friday’s column, “Humble Pie”.

Republicans:
WIN: Kudos’ Mike Huckabee. Despite what many left thinking Republicans said about you, your victory by at least five percentage points proves that people in Iowa are not afraid of the word GOD. Now take no more than one day off then get back here to New Hampshire and continue exactly what you’re doing. That is run a positive campaign focusing on what you would do as President of the United States.

Place: Mitt Romney. Congratulations Sir. Second place in the Iowa caucus does still give you the momentum to continue here in New Hampshire. My unsolicited advice is to take a few days off, rest, and solidify your position on several key issues such as abortion, health care, and immigration. In fact, having been the former Governor of the Republic of Massachusetts and a wealthy property owner here in New Hampshire why not just skip campaigning here altogether. I hear the weather is great in Florida.

Show: Congressman Ron Paul. Your strong showing in Iowa tells me that every state, even Iowa, has a group of discontented radical conspiracy theorist. Most of your supporters that I’ve spoken with here in New Hampshire are either from out of state, here only for the primary, or libertarians that have moved here with a plan to take over State government. You have no chance of ever being elected President. Return to earth and go back to Texas.

Also Ran: Rudy Giuliani, you by passed campaigning in Iowa because they do not have a Carnegie Deli there and other issues that are beyond me. Fred Thompson, you seem too tired to campaign anywhere. Duncan Hunter you just want to be Secretary of the Interior. Those are the reasons why the three of you did not fare well and wound up here in the “Also Ran” section.

Democrats:
WIN: Congratulations Mrs. Rodham Clinton. You managed to beat out your opponent by the slimmest of margins. You seem to have enough momentum to continue on in New Hampshire. South Carolina will be a fight, as will Florida. Be careful in Kansas. Someone my wish to drop a house on you.

Place: Barack Obama only by two percent behind Mrs. Rodham Clinton. Keep up the good work. The “Kennedy” style plays well in New England. Don’t forget to register all the outlaying cemetery’s in the Chicago area. Every vote counts.

Show: John Edwards. Third place only, dare I say it, by a hair. You’re polished and well spoken. Even for a personnel injury lawyer. Third place in one of Iowa’s tightest contest means a lot. My “free” advice here Sir is stop telling everyone what bad shape the country is in. Change you message to a more positive one. You might consider a less expensive haircut. Perhaps a mullet.

Also Ran: Biden, Kucinich, Dodd, and Richardson. You all had one or two salient points about different issues. Biden’s was about the war in Iraq, Dodd, about the economy, Bill Richardson about foreign policy, and Kucinich about space travel. Unfortunately none of you seemed to get your message across. Advice, drop out now and don’t waste any more money.

Next week, Congratulations To Me, or, What Was I Smoking.


Ron Dupuis is a long time New Hampshire resident, a former State Representative, and a freelance writer. His e-mail is drcdupuis@comcast.net. His web site may be viewed at www.imho-nh.blogspot.com