A Well-adjusted Family???

By Ron Dupuis

I recently spoke with some old friends who are the parents of four girls. After all the mandatory pleasantries were exchanged, “it’s been too long” and “we should get together”, the conversation turned to their girls.
“How are they doing” I asked?
“Excellent, good, just OK, and driving us to drink” Mom responded with resolve. I noticed Dad’s shoulders slump a little as he sank somewhat lower in his seat.
Mom continued; “Despite doing excellent academically and being a normal, healthy child, last year my eight year old chastised me for feeding her too much sugar.”
“The teacher said that collectively we are too fat and that you should watch what you feed me” the child declared. The child then asked me “Mom, what does “collectively” mean?”
“What did you do” I asked?
“I did what every concerned parent would do” Mom responded.
“I re-assessed my shopping habits, I re-assessed my cooking habits, and I re-assessed what I send her for snack time”, spoken in what seemed one frustrating breath. “Of course every Monday morning I send her in with a couple of Hostess Twinkies just to let the teachers and school know that I’m still in charge of what my children can or cannot eat.”
“Good for you” I said.
Knowing that “Dad” had some sort of special affinity for his two middle offspring, I pretty much directed my next question to him. “How about the twins, how are they doing?”
“Their doing good in regular school studies and just OK in others” was Dads response.
“What do you mean”? “What’s the problem?”
“The problem is that, I swear, they are geniuses.” “I’ll bet you my life savings, all $418, that as adults, my twins will give Bill Gates a run for his money.”
“And the problem IS…”, I questioned?
“The problem is that all their computer knowledge is received either here at home or at the special courses my wife and I have to pay for.” “We realized early on that they had a special gift when it came to computers, but the schools lab is not only out dated, it’s down right archaic.”
I knew of at least three other schools in the particular town this family lived in and asked if there may be a solution there.
“In this district they’re all in the same shape.”
He then informed me that there were two choices he and his wife could make. The first would be to pay tuition in order to send the twins to an out of district public school that would enhance the girls ability to exceed in their special skill, or form a group of citizens that will lobby the Legislature for some sort of statewide bill that would allow parents in this particular situation open enrolment in any public school they desire. Knowing the particular Legislators in that town, my response was “Good luck with that endeavor.”

Hoping to move on, I decided to ask about the oldest child of this particular clan.
“How’s Kerry” I asked?
“How’s Kerry” Dad quipped. “How’s Kerry” he said again. “I’ll tell you how Kerry is” “See this very grey thinning hair, that’s how Kerry is.” “See these bags under my eyes”, “that’s how Kerry is.”
As Dad sat back in his chair and rolled his eyes, Mom took over the conversation.
“Kerry’s doing very well thank you.” “She’s healthy, bright, articulate, and committed to furthering her education.” I was then informed that she would be entering UNH in the fall and planned on being a political science major.
“Yeah, healthy, bright, articulate, committed, and on the pill” Dad said with another eye roll.
“Don’t be so provincial” Mom chimed in while patting Dad on his knee. “Kerry is eighteen years old, and level headed enough to have made the right decision.” “Don’t worry about her.”
Dad looked away, pensively thought for a few moments and then spoke.

“Look, I worry about all my children. I’m their Dad. It’s my job. I don’t want my oldest going to college. Sure I want her to further her education, but can’t it be done in one of those all girl convents where they wear 19th century jumpers from their neck to their ankles? I don’t want the twins visiting abortion centers like those kids in Manchester. I want them to visit museums and science centers then maybe an ice cream parlor for refreshments. And finally, I don’t want to raise any of my children on a steady diet of watercress and bean sprouts. I want to be treated as if I had enough intelligence to give them a healthy, nourishing meal that will foster growth and enable them to thrive both physically and mentally. I realize that I’m a dinosaur by today’s mores, however that’s the way it is. Now excuse me while I go pick up a double cheeseburger with beacon and some trans-fatty fries for my dinner tonight.”
The drive home took about forty five minutes. It was during that time I realized I had been with one of the most well adjusted families in America today.

Ron Dupuis is a long time New Hampshire resident, a former State Representative, and a freelance writer. His e-mail is drcdupuis@comcast.net. His web site may be viewed at www.imho-nh.blogspot.com.